


I was there for you (all I ever wanted was the truth)

by niallerisababe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Anxiety, Bromance, Gen, Panic Attack, Some angst, based off a real event, not really romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 19:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7814494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallerisababe/pseuds/niallerisababe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn knows that he doesn't deserve to feel hurt that Liam hung up, because he was the one who severed his ties with his best friends, not Liam, but he still feels hurt. But he does what he always does, what he's been doing for the past year, and shoves down his feelings; and turns and walks away, already moving on and composing a Twitter post to apologize to his fans.</p><p>  It's what he has to do, or he'll crumble under the weight of this hurt, this burden he's carrying.</p><p>(Or: my version of the event on June 11, 2016 where Zayn backed out of the Capitol FM Summertime Ball due to anxiety.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I was there for you (all I ever wanted was the truth)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Title from "Infinity" by One Direction.  
> I am American, so I do not know everything about England, Ireland, or any other foreign countries mentioned in this fic.  
> This is a work of fiction, and is not intended to accurately represent any of the people mentioned or their lives.

  
  June 11, 2016

  Zayn is panicking.

  He's backstage at the Capitol FM Summertime Ball, and there's only forty-five minutes before he's scheduled to go onstage, and he's panicking.

  Not just a "oh, I'm going to be performing in front of hundreds of people in the biggest event since I've begun my solo career" panic, but a "oh crap there are hundreds of people out there and I have to perform on my own in front of them all in the biggest event of my solo career yet" panic. The difference? The first is matter-of-fact and unworried, and the second is him freaking out.

  Despite what some people may think, Zayn is no stranger to dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. He's dealt with them several times before shows, but then, he had the other boys to help him through it and distract him from his anxiety. Now, he's on his own, and as much as he hates to admit it, he actually needs Harry or Liam or Niall or even Louis.

  "Thirty minutes until you go on, Mr. Malik," a stage hand says, pausing in front of him.

  "Thanks," Zayn manages to say through his tightening throat, and there is absolutely no way he can perform like this. Heck, he can barely breathe; how is he supposed to sing in front of all these people? He can only see one option: to back out. To find the manager or whoever was in charge of this show and tell he or she that he just can't do it. Or......

  No.

  No. He's not going to do it. He'd rather back out and be humiliated in front of everyone in the audience than call one of the boys and beg for help. No way is he going there.

  Ten minutes later, with sweat-slicked palms and a pounding heart, Zayn is rethinking his decision. Sucking in a deep breath and attempting to count to thirty, he only gets to 17 before he's digging in his jacket pocket for his phone and dialing an all too familiar number.  
After four rings, it picks up, and Liam, voice thick and slow with sleep, mumbles, "Hello?"

  "Oh my gosh Liam I can't perform at the Summertime Ball I just can't there's way too many people and this is my first big gig as a solo artist and I'm so sorry for bothering you because I know you must hate me but my anxiety is acting up and I'm having a panic attack," Zayn blurts, pressing his phone firmly against his ear in an attempt to still his shaking hands. His legs aren't much better: they feel like they're about to give out at any second, and he's beginning to hyperventilate, so he slumps into a nearby chair and waits for Liam to respond.

  "Zayn?" Liam questions, sounding a bit more alert, and Zayn chokes out a "yeah".

  "Okay, Zayn. Just calm down. Take slow, deep breaths," Liam coaches, voice gentle but firm.

  Zayn struggles to follow Liam's advice, but his pounding heart refuses to let up, and his voice cracks as he says, "Can't.......heart pounding....."

  "Are you sitting?" Liam questions, and when he hears Zayn's mumbled "yes", he continues, "Good. Now lean over, and put your head between your knees, and breathe slowly, in and out. You can do it, Zee."

  Zayn leans over, letting his head hang between his knees, and although to anyone around him it must look like he's finally losing his sanity, he doesn't care because it's working. His heart is slowing, and he's able to think rationally.

  "Better?" Liam asks, sounding genuinely concerned, and Zayn's heart clenches painfully because he left this boy, abandoned him, but in his time of need Liam was there for him just like always, just like nothing had ever happened.

  "Yeah......thanks," Zayn murmurs, and an awkward silence follows. After a few moments, unsurprisingly, Liam is the one to break it.

  "Are you going to perform?"

  Zayn considers it, and just the thought of going out there makes his heart start to race again, so he shakes his head and says, "No......I can't. Should probably tell someone."

  "Okay. I'll let you go, then. Gotta go for my morning run, anyway. It's a bit early, but.....it can't hurt," Liam responds.

  "No! Don't hang up!" Zayn blurts without thinking, then winces because that sounded......desperate. Which he is, but Liam doesn't necessarily need to know that; or that when he hangs up his anxiety will probably return full-force because backing out is going to be hard. Almost as hard as performing.

  "O-kay," Liam says slowly, drawing out the word.

  Zayn wearily runs a hand over the top of his shaved head, letting out a long exhale, "Sorry, Liam. You can go if you want."

  "I can stay on as long as you need me to," Liam says quietly, almost vulnerably, with the gentle plea for a friendship lost to be regained clear in his voice.

  To be honest, Zayn doesn't quite know how to respond to that because he always needs Liam, it seems. So he's silent, instead standing and glancing around for someone to inform that he can't perform tonight.

  "Ugh.....sorry.....that probably came on a bit strong.....I'm sorry, Zayn," Liam begins, and Zayn can hear the guilt in his voice. And he can't stand it, when he makes Liam feel guilty, so he rushes to explain,

  "No, no, Liam, you didn't. It's just......gah, this is such a cliché and I hate to use it, but it's not you, it's me."

  Now Liam's silent, unsure of how to respond, and at that exact moment Zayn sees a stage hand nearby so he apologizes to Liam, "Sorry, just saw a stage hand, gotta tell him real quick", and jumps up and waves the stage hand over. To the man's credit, he graciously accepts it and doesn't ask any questions; he just hurries away, probably to tell his superior.

  "Okay, I'm here," Zayn says into the phone, only realizing that Liam has hung up after there's no response. And Zayn is......well, Zayn is disappointed. And slightly hurt. He thought that they were finally communicating, finally getting the chance to regain their friendship, and Liam had hung up.

  And it hurts.

  Zayn knows that he doesn't deserve to feel hurt that Liam hung up, because he was the one who severed his ties with his best friends, not Liam, but he still feels hurt. But he does what he always does, what he's been doing for the past year, and shoves down his feelings; and turns and walks away, already moving on and composing a Twitter post to apologize to his fans.

  It's what he has to do, or he'll crumble under the weight of this hurt, this burden he's carrying.

**Author's Note:**

> Snapchat: @nialler_live (add to see all of Niall’s performances)
> 
> Instagram: @niallerisababe


End file.
